Tuesday, January 8, 2008

Of Wars and Loves

Ever watch "The War of the Roses"?

A quick recap of the plot of the movie is that a couple by the name of Rose is divorcing but living in the same house. The motivating factor in their lives is just to make life miserable for the other person.
He cuts the heels off of her dozens of shoes.....
she runs over his expensive car with a monster truck.....
he urinates in the fish she is serving her business associates.....
she loosens the nut on the chandelier to drop on him....
he then ......... oh, you get the picture.
Their expensive, beautiful house becomes a battleground ultimately ending in the death of both of them.

Just a movie.....but an exaggeration of real life for many.

What if instead they tried "heaping coals of fire on the other's head" with their kind acts.
What if he brought her coffee to her bedside in the morning....
She put his favorite soda on ice 45 minutes before he came home,
left the remote control for him,
fluffed his pillows in his favorite chair and
brought him a bowl of his favorite ice cream....
He sent her flowers in her work place.....
She left him sweet notes in his sock drawer....

It would be a different type of battle...
Their beautiful, expensive HOUSE may have turned into a beautiful, expensive HOME.

The best line in the movie was when the divorce lawyer after telling the Roses' story to another client said,
I'm going to urge you to be generous to the point of night sweats. The all-important thing is to get you through this as quickly and cleanly as possible so that you can begin rebuilding your life.
Or...you can get up and go home, and try to find some shred of what you once loved about the sweetheart of your youth.

lt's your life.

Take a minute.
So with that in mind, from a woman once-divorced-twice married to the same man one of the sweetest moments was when he handed me the pecan he was shelling as we left the steps of the divorce lawyers.

Life is often a battle of sorts, it is the little acts of kindness that will help you see the sweetness of life. If all we focus on are the wrongs done, we will miss the sweetness and burden ourselves with bitterness.

It's your life.

Take a minute.


  1. I remember your telling me about Lee handing you the pecan... it took my breath away with it's simple beauty. It still does... I'm so glad your story has a happy ending; what an example you are!!
    I love you -

  2. Okay, Darla, that one made me cry. I, too, am so happy that Lee is once again my brother-in-law. I also agree with everything you said. Doug's parents put all of that into practice - always doing little things for each other. Doug has followed suit and that makes it easy for me to also. Its often the little things that really add up. Little things can drive you apart (little annoyances like cracking your knuckles) or they can make life rich and full (like a simple back rub after a long day, or warming the car for you when it's cold, or holding your hand during a prayer). Its not the big things (trips, gifts, etc.) that make my heart melt. As a teacher, you know that something you do for just a minute EVERY day is learned more fully than something you work at intensely for several days. I think marriage is that way. All those little things are expressions of love. Expressing your love in little ways every day really add up.

  3. "The War of The Roses" was definitely not my favorite movie. It just reminded me of how I did not want to be. Unfortunately, I believe there are those who go through divorces and act this way. I've seen alot of it first hand in court.

    On a personal note, "The Pecan Episode" serves as a great reminder.